On the 26th of December 2016, my flight home was delayed for a couple of hours. Blessing in disguise you might say. It gave me the opportunity to do what I had been trying to do for the past 2 weeks, slow down, reflect and strategize.
2016 kind of got away from me. It was like a wild horse that rode with no regard for who was sitting on its back, a horse with no respect for its reigns or who was holding them. 2016 was faster than me, much faster. You would think that this would mean that 2016 was a bad year for me. On the contrary, it wasn’t. It was a very eventful year with a lot of changes. I moved across the country, got a new job and a new apartment, my family moved to a new house and I took a trip I had been dying to go on. The year was packed full with changes.
One of the things I always used to pray against was being stagnant, living life stuck in one spot with no changes whatsoever. I would rather live with any change- good or bad, than live with none at all. So you would think that my review would be more positive, glowing even, you would think I would give myself a pat on the back.
At the risk of sounding ungrateful, I am a little bit disappointed in myself, albeit very thankful to God. All these achievements have been through his favor, but I didn’t work for any of them. I had no list of goals I was aspiring to, no dream that was bigger than me. I was basically floating through life, living with no disappointments.
This would seem like a blessing to some, but I wish I had worked really hard at something and maybe failed. At least then I would know that I had tried and that means I can try again.
I want to try next year. I want to feel the trepidation of putting all your time and effort into something that may/ may not succeed. I hear it’s not a good feeling, but as all other things in life, I would like to see for myself.
P.S Today is the 3rd of February 2017. I’m trying. I typed up my goals for the year and I’m shaking my head at the list and laughing. I’m basically saying to myself ‘Babe, are you well at all?’ But at the same time, I’m excited. My brain is riddled with thoughts and ideas and things I didn’t even know could be thoughts or ideas and I have an outlet for them now. I’m discovering what my skill sets are. 2017 is the year of the ‘try’, Ladies and Gentleman, and I’m doing it.
It’s a wonderful feeling. So far, So good.